She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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