i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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