I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
