I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize