While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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