I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
