i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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