You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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