His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
