just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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