i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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