I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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