Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
