everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
