and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
