I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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