He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize