ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
