as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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