We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
