Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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