Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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