when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
