You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My penis needs a shock collar
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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