It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
