spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
