she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
