i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
