I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
