yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
