You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
