And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
