i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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