Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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