Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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