I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
