I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
