I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
