I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My life is pants optional.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
