is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
