She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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