R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
