So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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