i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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