he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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