Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
