Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
