I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
