I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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