Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
