It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
