we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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