Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
