my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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