Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Randomize
