I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
