We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
