My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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