I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
