Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
