He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
