Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
