i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize