Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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