I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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