we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We left the knife in your bed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
