I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
