Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
